i'll throw rocks at you

i was going to leave this alone
but i can’t so um

my “bestfriend” just wrote on her tumblr “caring about people 10000000000 times more than they care about me = sick of it.” and i know it’s about me because i’ve ignored her and i have my reasons. i’m not going to list them here, i just need to type and rant and do whatever i can to rid this frustration slkdj;slkhaskdj

it annoys me because, last year when i was totally fucked up and depressed, i had no one, and her life was great. i never told her about it at the start because i knew she was happy and i didn’t want anyone feeling sorry for me. but then she saw all this negative stuff on my old tumblr and she mentioned it to me but she never really knew how bad it was. i had no friends. i was so depressed. and i know that sounds stupid but i felt really alone and i would cry myself to sleep everynight because i was never happy. she would always tell me “oh you will find friends, i promise.” and finally when i met new people and i found “friends” she quickly jumped at the chance to judge them but she never knew them, she would sneakily talk to them online and would go “oh yeah i talked to blah blah blah and yeah idk she seems like blah blah blah” and would talk down on them thinking i would de-friend them, it’s like she wanted me all to herself but would put on this image that she didn’t want me to be alone… she would want to always get to the know the people i was hanging out with just so she thinks she can “know” them, but she never truly would be able to anyhow because she lives in new zealand… so idgi? it just seemed so deceiving to me and she would try to get “close” with them? sdlkhsljdn wtf. she would say that she wanted me to be happy but really that’s actually not what she wants. and i know this, i know her. i’ve known her for 19 years. i know her way of thinking, i know her too fucking well.

my sister used to live with her in an apartment, they lived together for a year and recently they had a falling out, so of course i am going to support my sister, she is my bestfriend. and the things my sister told me angers me. and she still tries to talk to me as if everything’s fine even if she treated my sister like shit… i just don’t get it. i can never tell her things anymore… like the trust is completely gone. i don’t feel bad for saying any of this sldkfjlkdsfnas because i just want to be free of her finally ugh leave me be dskjdlskfnes and yeah okay, you’re crazy if you read all of that but yeah now the frustrations gone now thanks… i’ll probably delete this later and make a personal or whatever incase she finds this and goes agro and tries to ruin me or something idk bye.

fuck i can’t trust any of my friends.